I wonder

It is very interesting how I had such a dream.....one that started in 2008 when I came to Angola with my friend, Faye, and we investigated the possibility of starting a hospice in Cabinda.  We met with church officials, held informational meetings with the community, visited local medical clinics and the provincial hospital and met with the ministry of health.  The need was/is so obvious, the desire by the local church and medical people was evident and even the ministry of health was open with an invitation to come and start this work with people at end of life.....to bring comfort and care to them..... and to teach local medical workers this specialtiy.  It took 26 months to finally get back to Angola and it wasn't Cabinda but rather Soyo as a resident.  This was fine....adjustments would need to be made but the work with those at end of life, the training of local nurses in this area of medicine....it could all be done here......and so the dream continued......but now.....I have been here for 5 1/2 weeks and been unable to meet with the people for community outreach.  I don't believe there is no interest......I think they are very busy and this is just one more thing on their full plates......but what do you do with the dream?  What do you do about the call to this work?  I am really not sure how to address these feelings of confusion.....

I am in language study and learning as fast as my brain will accept the new language.  Thankfully a history in Spanish in high school helps with some of the words although the pronunciation  is vastly different......and I continue to wait and pray for God's leading in this.

Our shipment will come......some day....and it is full of durable medical supplies for the hospice......that is the majority of the contents.

So I wonder.....am I just losing hope???.....is it because the antimalarial medication is causing me to feel yucky off and on?????  I know that this isn't "my work".......this is a desire to bring God glory through my life......and, of course, I want to "do" something but I wonder if it is just that I am to be still....do the things in front of me......like language study......and visiting the schools to help with kids crafts......and develop relationships with the wives here.....and bring glory to God in my attitude while waiting.  I know that it distresses Bryan when I am at home.....and he, bless his heart, wants to fix it......but he can't do anything to move things along either.....and as I write this I begin to feel the need to pray for peace within me, joy even in the waiting....that is evident to Bryan and others......and anticipation in the study of language.....that in His time, God will have His way.....and I don't want to be so busy trying to "do" that I am not at the place I need to be to fit into His plan....