Wow, it is has been a week since I last wrote. Here is why.....many days there are not things to write about here that would interest others.....I think.....and I want to always sound cheerful and upbeat about being here.....and that isn't always the case. Just like anywhere else, there are days that aren't full of adventure and fun.....but somehow, with the big plans we had before coming here.....full of expectations and hopes to make a difference, it is difficult to realize that just because it is my plan and is a great plan at that.....very altruistic......and benevolent.....it doesn't mean that it will come to be.....and so I take time to ponder why this is......and come to the realization over and over that since I long to live my life to bring glory to God......and since He is the only one that knows what that actually means for this moment, then I must take the down times.....the quiet times without the busyness of doing and just be.....but be in a way that is glorifying to Him.....and this realization comes to me over and over as I go through more and more of the days without the purpose and plan that I had.....to start a hospice.....becoming a reality. Even the adjusted plan to go and teach in the hospital care of newborn babies....has not come to be and you know, the frustrating thing is that there is never a "No"......just silence.....
Friday I saw the woman that was to meet with the doctor at the hospital two weeks ago to find out if I can start there......I was at a tree planting along a road with some school children.....and still...even meeting each other on the street, there was no news. And I found that when I returned home after the event, I didn't feel angry and frustrated.....just felt nothing......maybe it is just that I am finding peace in the waiting, I don't know. I hope and pray that it is an evidence of growth......to be able to let it go and do what is in front of me to do today.....
So the English classes with the drivers are interesting. One day there was only one driver that came to class. We were learning about feelings and colors and reviewing days of the week......he got the feelings due to the pictures from the internet and made notes and remembered them. He loves to study. Then we got to colors and I had pictures of different people. I asked the question, "What color is his/her hair?" and the answer practiced was "Her/his hair is red, yellow, brown or black". Then I would ask, "What color is his shirt?" and the answer was "His shirt is......."whatever the color was. Finally, to go with feelings, "Is he happy?" "Yes, he is happy" or "No, he isn't happy". Well, we had gone over the flash cards for about 10 minutes and I thought we could change it up to respond, "It is yellow" rather than Her hair is yellow and the same for the shirt....use "It" but not for the feelings.....that would still be he/she. So when I said this......the student asked...."what is hair?". I had to laugh.....so much like me......I say what is expected for me to say and yet don't understand the real questions many times..... I guess that when I had shown a picture of a bald man and asked "what color is his hair" and the student said, brown....the color of his face.....I should have known we weren't getting the concept.....So I learn as much as the students.
On Friday we had new students and it was enjoyable to see that there is an interest to learn something new.....and we have such fun working together with these men.
Yesterday one of the families moved from here. They are from Australia and are retiring.....they have plans for their next two years and so were excited about the transition. We were so happy for them but will miss them here. So now the numbers of expatriates have shrunk by one more family......This is a small group of expats and very nice people.
The food situation has been about the same. We found Coke light again and were glad about that. That is the one extra we all enjoy. With the rains lessening, there is more food in the market....but still, it takes time to get here by truck so we have to look hard to find things that are not really tired looking.
I am continuing to study Portuguese but find it not an easy language for me or maybe it is because we don't have a teacher and just learn from CD's. I find it difficult to stay focused and not let my mind wander while studying. But perseverance is the name of the game.
So what am I learning? To take each day as it is......without complaining.....and find the good in each thing.....keep my focus on the important things and not get caught up in the issues of what is not here but rather focus on what is and enjoy that......and it makes me so much more content. More importantly, I am finding a real need to change my focus. It is so much easier for me to pray and expect a definite "yes" or "no" because then I can move on with my life and be doing something or not doing something for God. But God is more often answering me with silence. So my real learning for today is to accept the silence as a desire of God to draw me closer to Him because God wants me to focus my attention on Him and not on the activity that I believe I can do for Him.
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